Life and Times of Brooke Davis
by othravenslvr
Summary: Oneshot for OTH911 Challenge. 7 days of Brooke's diary entries. Brooke is in love with Lucas, but when a horrible mistake comes back to haunt her, will she be able to get through it?


Entry for Challenge #1: Diary Entries Screen name: othravenslvr Title: The Life and Times of Brooke Davis Word Count: 3,847 Pairings: Nathan/Haley, Lucas/Brooke, NATHAN/BROOKE Rating: PG-13 (just to be safe)

Dear Diary, This weekend was supposed to be amazing. The plans were that in three days, Haley is supposed to get married to Nathan again in the beautiful dress I designed for her, they are going on an awesome honeymoon, and I am going to get to go up to Rachel's cabin again with Peyton, Mouth, Rachel, and most importantly, Lucas. Now? Now, Haley hates the dress I made her, Mouth has been dumped by Rachel, Peyton told me that she has feelings for my boyfriend, and Lucas and I are fighting! Yeah, amazing weekend down the drain. I can't believe this is all happening now. Haley hates her dress so now she's getting mad at everyone, wanting her wedding to be perfect. I worked hard on that dress. She doesn't have any right to criticize my fashion sense, especially, when I'm making her a dress for free! Anyway, bottom line is, Haley hates it, she got mad, we both said stuff, and I haven't seen her since. Now, I'm sitting in her apartment waiting for her to come home so I can talk to her. I really don't have anywhere else to go. I'm sure as hell not staying with Peyton anymore; that lasted all of what, two days? I can't even begin to explain how mad I am. Was she really stupid enough to think that telling me she has feelings for my boyfriend was no big deal? Okay, maybe it wouldn't be a big deal under normal circumstances, say if she had never been with Lucas and she promised that she wasn't going to make a move on her feelings. But it is a big deal; she has been with him before, while I was with him I might add! I gave her a second chance because she promised she would never do that to me again, but that it was a mistake. And now she's telling me that she still likes him and expects me to believe that she won't do anything about it! No! I've never been hurt like that before and I never want it to happen again. If she was really my friend, she would see how completely in love I am with Lucas. She should know that I've never felt this way about a boy like this before, that I'm a better person because of him. She, of all people, should know all of this and bury her feelings. He's my boyfriend and I love him; I just can't trust either of them anymore. God, I wish it was me that was in that library during the shooting. It's not enough that he saved her? I should be thankful for that, and I am, or was, not quite sure about that yet. I just, I want him to save me. I know that sounds selfish, but I want him to save me from everything. How could this all be happening? Did they really have to kiss! Sure, she thought she was dying, I get that. If I were in that situation, I would be saying my goodbyes to whomever was there with me too, but she kissed him! She kissed him and forgot to mention that she had wanted to do that ever since she broke up with him! And now, I'm fighting with the guy of my dreams and my former best friend. I can't believe this; and I know I shouldn't blame Lucas, but I am. Honestly, I blame them both; she betrayed me and he lied to me. Things were just getting to a good point and now, everything's screwed up again. It happened so suddenly, that I can't even believe it. It seems like the only person I'm not fighting with right now is Nathan. Ugh! I'm so worked up. I need to chill out for awhile. I need cake…  
Til next time, Brooke

Dear Diary, I am officially the stupidest girl on the face of the planet. I can't believe I did that. I just made a mistake that could possibly change everything, no scratch that, will change everything! Why the hell did I do that! And with him of all people! I know why; I was weak and alone, and I don't do alone very well. Obviously, neither does he. We were drunk. No, that's no excuse, and I know it isn't. It's our fault. No, it's my fault. I was mad and I was drunk and I was lonely; then he showed up. Nathan. I was waiting on Haley to come home so we could talk and instead, Nathan came home. Who never came home last night? Haley. Why? Because Nathan and Haley are fighting. They have two days before their wedding and they're fighting! The happiest weekend of their lives and they're fighting! And now, they're going to have even more to fight about! Why? Because I'm an idiot! When Nathan came back to the apartment last night, we were both upset, me with Lucas and Peyton and him with Haley. We were both mad, we were both lonely, and we were both drunk, which I'm assuming is what led me to waking up in his bed with him this morning. We did it, and it was a mistake, a huge mistake. If Haley had just come home, or if Nathan hadn't come home, or if I hadn't been here, none of this would have happened. God, I hate the what-ifs. They just make the situation seem worse. After Nathan came home, we sat, watched a movie, talked, and drank, obviously, a lot. Then, somehow, we both ended up in the bedroom. And well, here I am. I can't believe I slept with my boyfriend's brother, my best friend's husband! How could I be this stupid! We woke up this morning in the same bed and nothing was normal. I promised him I wouldn't tell Haley if he promised he wouldn't tell Lucas since we love them both, and we don't want to hurt them more than we already have. Nathan's already gone to apologize to Haley so they can enjoy their wedding, and I'm going to apologize to Lucas so that we can still enjoy our weekend together. No one is going to know except me and Nathan, not that it matters, it was a mistake, a stupid mistake that we'll have riding on our consciences for a very long time, but that's the price we have to pay. Payback's a bitch, right? Payback's nothing compared to guilt! But Nathan will make up with Haley, I'll make up with Lucas, we'll put this mistake behind us, and everything will be okay. Right?  
I'll be back, B. Davis

Dear Diary, Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I don't think another thought has run through my thoughts all day long besides that. Oh my god. Remember that one mistake that we were going to forget about and everything would be okay? We forgot one minor detail… I wasn't on birth control. Just when you think a situation can't get any worse and that you've got it all worked out, your lies come up to bite you on the ass. I took a pregnancy test today, at Lucas's house of all places. I did it alone, but Nathan came over afterwards. I freaked, he freaked, we freaked together, then I freaked again, and then he freaked again, and then, well, you get the picture. Needless to say, it came out positive. In fact, all six of them came out positive. I'm in complete shock, and as far as I know, Nathan is too. So far, only he and I know. Everything was going fine: Nathan apologized to Haley last night and they spent a nice, romantic evening together at the apartment and I went and apologized to Lucas last night. It was nice, too. I needed the chance to talk to him about things that were bothering me about our relationship. He knows I'm mad at Peyton and I know that he can't just stop being friends with her. He did promise me that he won't go and hang out on her one-on-one until she and I work everything out. Finally, everything was fine with him and our relationship. God, how did everything get this screwed up within a matter of 48 hours! Right now, I'm sitting here on the couch in the apartment while Haley is fast asleep in her bed. Nathan is staying with Lucas at his place so that he won't see Haley on her wedding day until the ceremony. Me staying with Haley and Nathan staying with Lucas… yeah, this isn't awkward at all! Ugh! I can't believe I ruined everything: My relationship with Lucas, my friendship with Haley, Nathan's wedding with Haley, and possibly another human being's life, all ruined by the one and only, Brooke Davis. I'm going to the doctor early tomorrow morning, before Haley starts to get up and get ready. Nathan decided he wants to come. How completely screwed up is it that: my best friend's husband is coming to the doctor to see if I'm pregnant with his baby on his wedding day to her! Yeah, that's not messed up at all. When did my life become a freaking soap opera! I just want it all to stop; I want Peyton back, I want things to be good with Lucas, and I want Nathan and Haley to be happy more than anything else in the entire world. So tomorrow, I have to get up, go to the doctor, see if I'm pregnant, and Nathan and I both have to be back before the bride and the best man wake up. Not at all complicated, right? I don't think I've ever been this confused and upset and angry and sad and whatever all at the same time. I hate to say it, but I'm glad Nathan's coming tomorrow. He's been really great, considering the circumstances, because I couldn't do it alone. He knows he's responsible for this too and he isn't blowing it off. He thinks we should tell Haley and Lucas. I however? I think ignorance is bliss and what they don't know won't hurt them! I guess we'll figure that out together, later, much later hopefully. Til tomorrow, BD

Dear Diary, The ceremony was beautiful. And as long as no one noticed the guilty glance Nathan shot me right before he said his self-written vows to Haley, then the wedding was perfect. Unfortunately, someone had noticed. Peyton. She came and confronted me after the ceremony and asked me what was wrong. I said nothing was wrong and blew her off. I can't deal with her, not now, not when I might be pregnant with my best friend's husband's child, or worse, my boyfriend's brother's child. Nathan and I went to the doctor this morning. He sat outside while I went and did my thing which, by the way, brought up too many bad memories of my scare with Lucas to count. I can't believe I actually had to walk in there with Nathan. Of course, I have to add that he was so sweet and he asked a million times if I was okay. And today, he had such grace and such compassion in his vows to Haley that I know they're in love, now more than ever. If he can marry Haley and tell her he'll love her through think and thin, now and forever, knowing all the while that he may have gotten his brother's girlfriend pregnant, then I know he's in love; and I respect him for being able to do it. Me? I would have had to call off the wedding. I'm already nervous as hell. Here I am, sitting on my boyfriend's couch, while he sleeps soundly in his room. Nathan left for his honeymoon, but not before telling me to call his cell when I found out anything and that he would figure out a way to cut the trip short and come home right away. I don't want him to have to do that; I want him to enjoy his honeymoon. I called off the weekend cabin getaway trip and I told Lucas that since Mouth and Rachel were fighting and Peyton and I weren't speaking, I'd rather wait until everyone would have a good time. He just flashed me that Lucas Scott smile that makes me weak in the knees and told me we'd have a much better weekend here anyway. At that my stomach dropped. How do you tell your boyfriend that you may be carrying his brother's child? You can't. Instead, I just told him I loved him and went to go to bed on the couch. I can't handle this anymore. I just want him to know, I want to be wrapped in his arms and for him to tell me that everything's okay, that he still loves me. But that won't happen because he's going to hate me. It's common sense actually, what's worse than sleeping with Chris Keller? Sleeping with Nathan! I can't even imagine the thoughts that must be running through Nathan's head right now. I hope he's enjoying his honeymoon, but I'm willing to bet he's just as worried as I am. I find out tomorrow. The doctor promised to let us know ASAP. Honestly, I don't want to know. I want to freeze time and rewind three days, but I can't do that. I know I can't. This scares the hell out of me, but I can't tell anyone; Not Lucas, not Haley, and especially not Nathan. I want him to know that everything will be fine, that I'll handle this and he deserves to be with his wife and be happy. Right?  
Forget it, Brooke

Dear Diary, I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant with my boyfriend's brother's child. I'm pregnant with my best friend's husband's child. Damn it, I'm pregnant with Nathan's child! I can't do this. I really, really can't do this. After I found out, I called Nathan and told him. He's coming home tomorrow morning. His plan was to just tell Haley that the hurricane coming up the coast towards their luxurious resort was making him nervous so they should come back early. I honestly don't know if I want him to come back or not. I mean, of course I want him here because I can't do this alone, but him coming home makes it all the more real, which means we're going to have to tell Haley and Lucas. It seems unreal that we're going to have to tell his wife and my boyfriend that I'm carrying a daughter or son. I can't do this and I defiantly can't be a mother! I'm not even out of high school yet! My mother doesn't care about me, what makes me think I'll care about my child! What makes me think that I can take care of a kid! I finally get together with the guy of my dreams and I go and sleep with his brother. I know it's selfish, but I'm just as worried about losing Lucas as I am about having this baby. I just don't want to lose him, not again. Actually, I can't, I can't hurt again. I wish I could talk to him, but I can't; I promised Nathan I'd wait til he got back. He's just as scared about telling his brother he slept with his girlfriend as I am about telling my best friend I slept with her husband, so we're telling them both together. Safety in numbers, right? Sure. I can't believe I'm going to be a mother, Nathan's going to be a father, and we're going to be parents, together. But most of all, I can't believe I did this to Lucas, to Haley, to Nathan, and to this little baby growing inside of me. I'm not going to be a good parent; I'm going to ruin this little kid's life! To make matters worse, I ruined my relationship with Lucas, destroyed my friendship with Haley, and annihilated Nathan and Haley's marriage. I want to have someone to talk to, Nathan, Lucas, Haley, Peyton, anyone. I don't want to do this. I want to rewind this entire week and start over again! Until the end, which must be coming soon, BD

Dear Diary, So, its official. In a matter of less than a week, my life has become my own personal hell. As you've probably gathered, Nathan came home today and he and I told Lucas and Haley everything, and I do mean everything. We decided it would be easier to just make the speech once so we called Lucas to the apartment and made them both sit on the couch while we stood in front of them and told them we're going to be parents, together. Needless to say, they both went insane, right then and there. It's all kind of a blur…a loud, angry blur. It's hard to believe but the four of us spent the entire afternoon in that living room talking, yelling and crying. After we told them the story, we spent some one-on-one time with each of them separately. First, Nathan talked to his brother and I talked to my best friend. Honestly, that was probably the hardest part for me. Haley and I sat in silence for a long time. After awhile, she broke the silence, and asked me if I was scared. That's the Haley I know and love; I sleep with her husband, and get pregnant with his child all on the day before their wedding, and she's asking me how I'm feeling. Naturally, I couldn't lie to her, and I told her I was horrified. We talked, a lot. I told her I was sorry, that I wanted her and Nathan to be happy more than anything, that their relationship made me believe love was real and it happens and that it's not just in the fairytales, and if that means that I need to do this on my own, then so be it. Haley was mad, but she did forgive me. After a lot of yelling, screaming and crying, we hugged, and all was good again; well, maybe not all, but most and that's all that I was hoping for. Then came the next one; Nathan had to talk to his wife and I had to talk to my boyfriend. When I went to see Lucas, there was no silence. I was crying the minute I walked into the room. I sat down on the couch, buried my face in my hands and cried like a little girl, while Lucas on the other hand didn't budge. In fact, the only comment he made to me when I asked what he was thinking was that he needed to be alone, that he needed time to think about everything; then he walked out. I can't help but wonder why Haley can forgive me but Lucas can't, why could Lucas talk to Nathan about it but not me? I mean, it was just as much his fault as it was mine. Eventually, Haley and Nathan came back, Haley sitting on one side of me and Nathan on the other. Nathan said he'd be there for me, either way, whether I wanted to have the baby or not, he and Haley would be there. And that means the world to me, it really does. So here I am, sleeping on Nathan and Haley's couch, too scared to go over to Lucas's place. Sadly, I'm more thankful right now than I thought would be possible. My best friend has forgiven me, and she's promised that she and her husband are there for me. What more can I ask for, right? I know, I can ask for my boyfriend's forgiveness. I know its lame. I've asked for his forgiveness too many times to count, but I love him and I can't just lose him, not again. The truth is; I need him; I really do. Maybe I should go over there. Maybe?  
Until tomorrow, B. Penelope D.

Dear Diary, Don't you hate how life is a roller coaster? I mean, one minute you think you've experienced heaven on earth, the next minute your life's a living hell, and then you feel like you're back on top of the mountain again. Really, does it ever stop? Because I don't know if I can keep up anymore. Today was…amazing. I woke up on Nathan and Haley's couch, realizing for the third morning in a row how badly I've screwed everything up. But surprisingly, I had a message on my phone, from Lucas. So with both fear and happiness, I went over to his place, as he had asked me to. Waiting for me was the guy of my dreams, the Lucas that make me feel like a saint, even when I treat him like the scum of the earth. I sat on the couch, preparing for what I thought would be a long, cold conversation. And you want to know what he did? He sat down beside me, slid his arms around me and told me that everything was okay, that he still loved me, and that he knew I was strong enough to get through this: exactly what I wanted him to say. And for a moment, everything was perfect; until I ruined it again. I asked him if he really thought I should have this baby. He told me that ever since he found out that Dan didn't want him to be born, he vowed that no child should ever have to grow up knowing that they weren't wanted, and he wants me to have this baby, no matter how hard it may be or who it's raised by. So I guess, I'm pretty lucky. I mean, I have Nathan, Lucas, and Haley all willing to get through this with me. Nathan and Haley showed up at Lucas's place not long after that and we all talked, a little more rationally this time, about how this is going to work. It's weird; I feel like the weight of the world's been lifted, maybe not completely off my shoulders, but it's nice to know that I have people who are willing to help share the load. I mean, nothing's perfect. Lucas and Haley are probably never going to trust Nathan or me in the same way again, and now, we have another life to think about. All of it scares the hell out of me. If there's anything that I've learned from this though, it's that eventually, everything's going to work out. It may not be exactly the way you imagine it, but it will work out in the end, and that your actions have consequences. It sounds so lame until you do something so incredibly stupid that it makes sense. I've done that something; I was that incredibly stupid, but not anymore. I can do this, maybe not alone, but I can do it. Later, B. Davis 


End file.
